Spring Cleansing

Confession: I hate going to the doctors. Even the most simplest routine appointment can make me feel like a 3 year old awaiting a finger prick. It's pathetic, really. But (finally) something positive came out of a visit yesterday. I was flipping through an old Oprah magazine as I anxiously awaited the nurse to call my name when something sparked my interest: A '28-day Plan to Renew Your Mind Body & Soul' by the one & only, Dr. Oz. (I'll bashfully admit, I kinda worship the guy) where was I.. hmm, I suppose I could use a little spring cleansing. So, I started scanning the pages and found Day 4: Forgive Someone. Sure, we've all heard the stats on how this practice can make you happier and healthier, but just for good measure let's hear what the Doc has to say about it; "Studies show that forgiveness can lower blood pressure and heart rate and reduce depression, anxiety, and anger." Yes - more of the same, dare I say, blah blah blah's that I already know I should do but somehow always opt not to.. until it happened.. I read the following sentence and my Ah-Ha moment occurred; "I think Oprah articulated the secret to releasing grudges when she said, 'Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.'" Ah-Ha! Of course! How simple! Then, like all inspirational quotes, it was over.. now it is up to me to take action; to make an effort to really forgive someone. The only question then, is - who will I choose? We've all had people in our past who have hurt us, and though I don't have a friendship with the person I've chosen, nor do I plan on having one, I wanted to forgive them for me.. for me to be happier (and sure, I suppose to lower my blood pressure). Here's the thing - what happened was horrible, sad and very hurtful.. but it did happen and now it's over. However, because I'm especially stubborn and like to torture myself, I've carried all these negative feelings with me long after, while my culprit is walking around, living their life, unscathed. But Me? By not letting go of hope that the past can be changed, I relive what happened every time I think about it. So, who is being punished here for what happened? Me..? Why not forgive them for my sake? For my sanity? As I talk this through I realize what an extraordinary effort this will take me.. but if it was that simple to renew your mind, body & soul, well I guess there wouldn't need to be an article about it and I wouldn't need to post about it to inspire someone else. It would just happen and our lives would be better having done it. We do not have control over what happens to us, only how we react to it. Life is not simple, but I like to think that broken hearts and scraped knees build character. And emerging peaceful from each experience adds richness and thoughtfulness into our lives. If you take nothing else from this post, let it be this:

life is too short to be anything but

I choose happiness.

{ Coco }

"Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure."

                        jewish proverb

My Little Prince..

How I miss the baby you were, 

am so proud of the little boy you are 

& cannot wait to meet the man you'll become..

Happy 2nd Birthday, Leo

I love you.

Like Mike

"I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying."

                                                - Michael Jordan

{Listen} to your heart

"Listen to your heart,

you will understand.

Let it break upon you

like a wave upon the sand."

                         -Disney

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     I once lost touch with a friend.. a best friend. We just drifted apart. I went years without ever finding out what happened.. and I missed her like crazy. (If I haven't already given it away, then I must say that I am a stubborn person. Hard-headed at times, I suppose.) So, I pushed my feelings away.. tucked them under the blanket of emotions, if you will. And I masked them with indifference.. as if losing her didn't bother me a bit. I made new friends, got married, had a baby.. I moved on. But, I often thought of her at every turning point in my life. I thought about what it would be like to have her there with me.. to share our lives together. 

     Then one day, while driving through the city, I stopped at a light.. and there she was.. just walking down the street. At the risk of sounding cliche, she felt so close.. but so far, far away. Was this fate? Nothing unusual, just an ordinary occurrence to run into someone from the past. But it sparked something inside me.. something too strong to be pushed away. There she was.. in the same city I was in.. living her life.. without me. Why was it again we weren't friends anymore, I wondered? The excuses didn't seem to work anymore. It was clear to me that all of those false feelings were well, never real. I missed her, and I couldn't just try to forget about her.. again. 

     Do I dare reach out to her? I must admit, this thought was absolutely terrifying to me.. She must certainly hate me and want nothing to do with me. I was sure of it. But, here's the thing.. What was the worst that could happen? That I would get rejected? That she wouldn't want to be friends with me? Well, I already wasn't friends with her. So, what was more important? Her? Or my ego? I suddenly knew the answer and felt so foolish for not realizing it sooner. I let this continue for far too long. 

     So, after graciously putting my ego aside, I contacted her.. and I bet you're wondering how this story ends..Well, I'm pleased to say it has a happy ending :)

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I shared this story in hopes of inspiring someone. If there is anyone that you wish was in your life, whether it be an old friend or a potential new friend, I urge you to ask yourself a question; Does this person, or the hopes of what this person could be, mean more than the fear of rejection? I understand that not every story has a happy ending, but I decided that I was better off being rejected than living the rest of my life wondering what could have been. Sometimes things fall into place; fate determines our lives.. and sometimes, if you really want something you have to go out there and get it yourself. Because sometimes, happy endings can become very. happy. beginnings.